Stop Saving Start feeling

Just set me free.

Things in the city were fast-paced. Fast cars, fast walking, fast food.

Anita had been completely conscious of this before she actually moved but got into flow once she set her feet down on the ground.

She consciously prepared herself for her first call with her Coach. Anita lucked out that her roommate just so happen to be out and about the time she took the call.

She took off her makeup, just in case they touched on any sore subjects. Wanting to feel instead of fighting back tears to save her perfectly placed mascara.

Their call felt quick. It wasn't jammed packed with homework, a to-do list, and or worksheets. It was simply paying attention to Ego vs Intuition. "Head or Heart?"

Her first thought was: "I already know this, this is what I tea..."

Then quickly caught herself mid-sentence and asked "Head or Heart?". Ego or Intuition? Ego.

It was ironic that her only rule of thumb for those she had coached had been to "stay open" and "don't block yourself from receiving by telling yourself you already know it."

She hated the idea of her own advice being rubbed in her face. She judged herself for thinking such a thought.

Anita was so accustomed to taking multiple courses at a time. Being in Group programs. She had plans to change the world in a matter of months and slowing down wasn't in her plan of action.

Yet again, she observed the thought and continued throughout the day.

Head? or Heart?

*tap tap tap tap tap*

Anita's foot unconsciously tapped as she calculated how many minutes it would take her to get back to the apartment for her next Coaching session. The Subway always seemed to move slower when she was in a hurry.

Every last footstep was calculated so that she'd be sitting in the chair, zoom in front, and a make-shift stage light on her face in the next 7 minutes.

When she got on the call her coach could sense she was a little frantic and off-centered by the pattern of her breathing and the last-minute adjustments she was making to her camera.

Her Coach, Randi, Suggested they take a few breathes to recenter before they got started.

Anita felt triggered. Upset that her lack of time management was being exposed. She wanted to squirm, adjust her camera a little bit more, fix her hair, or add more lighting...

Instead, she closed her eyes and did the breathing exercise.

She gave her the 411 on her most recent challenges, as well as things she had consciously been celebrating.

This was their first call that her pattern came up.

"Well, I suppose this situation is making me upset because she's making me feel bad for saying no"

She knew it was a lie as soon as it came out of her mouth. Knowing damn well that there wasn't anyone on this planet that could make her feel a certain emotion. Only amplify the emotions she felt about herself.

"When was the first time you felt you needed to take

responsibility for how others felt?"

Anita didn't consciously prepare to mess up her makeup that day. Her parents came to mind. Different scenarios but the same story;

"Maybe if I loved them enough," she paused "they wouldn't want to punish themselves"

Things were going slower, which was ultimately faster in Randi's perspective. Anita consciously adapted this belief, incorporating it with every little movement she did throughout the day.

Being accustomed to learning how to slow things down and take things off her plate. Anita was ready for, The Dialogue.

The Dialogue was a tool that her coach had channeled to help give a step-by-step process on Releasing the ego, processing the emotion, and accessing the Heart.

She was thrilled to be incorporating a new tool and proud of her current pace of learning and implementing.

This felt like a big step in a new direction.

A different direction is exactly where it took her.

In the few weeks span that they had been working together, there had been a video circulating on a popular platform.

It wasn't Anita's first time receiving an extreme threat over the internet. Talking about Money online she was conscious of the controversy.

Yet there was something about this specific message that rattled her to her core.

It wasn't a long message. it was short and direct. The context of the whole situation made her feel unsafe.

Not ever wanting to post or talk about Money again. Amplifying guilt for making money online. Contemplating deleting everything so her location wouldn't be easy to find.

This was one of the first times she got to use The Dialogue to its full effect. Her roommates were out for the night, so instead of acting like everything was okay, she decided to sit still. She decided to feel.

Feeling the fear. Feeling the shame. Feeling the Love. Feeling support and last but not least, feeling safe.

At that moment she got a random text from her mother.

That was all she needed to see, in order to prove, she was safe.

Stay Tuned for Part 3!